The reason for this gap in posts (despite Friday's Fill-In) is probably apathy. Apathy for school, job searching, thesis nonsense, wedding planning, blogging, and really anything else that requires me to focus and make decisions.
First Thing:
Things are weird now and I have no explanation for it. They're just weird. I keep telling myself I just need to get through this week with the papers and tests I have. But then I realize that it's more than just this week. It's the next few months that I have to get through. The overwhelming and daunting task of surviving February, March, and April. The funny thing is that I'm probably more scared about what life after graduation holds than the months leading up to it. I can't decide what is more overwhelming, these next few months, or the next few after. Things are weird, for so many other reasons but I can't figure out how to say them all. Maybe I'll just continue to keep them bottled up inside my mind, not processing them or sharing them. I think it's easier that way. If they're not thought about . . . then no conclusions can be drawn and no decisions made. Yup, that sounds easier.
Thank you Food Network for keeping my company and lulling me to sleep at night.
Second Thing:
I received flowers from a wonderful someone on Friday. The lilies are beautiful but they make my room smell weird. I almost feel that out of obligation they should be mentioned in my blog. I know that I shouldn't feel like that but I do. It's unappreciative. The best thing about those flowers was the little note attached. If that's all I get, then that's what I cling to for dear life. Flowers die. That's why I think they're a waste. They are beautiful! Almost all flowers are. However, they're a lot of upkeep for no lasting results. . . you can water them as much as you want but eventually they'll get droopy and then dry up and then die. But words, well . . . even if they aren't written down, they can be remembered for a long, long time. Maybe that's why they mean so much to me. Maybe that's why four tiny little cards have meant the most to me during these last few years. Handwritten and probably not that well thought out, but it doesn't matter. the 1 1/2 by 3 inch cards seem to mean the most. I know this song is kind of sad but I love it. This recording sucks a lot but it's the best one I could find. Words, somehow always mean the most.
You would have kept those words on your tongue,
If you had known the hurt they had done.
While your fists stay by, right by your side,
Your words they bruise me deep inside.
I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause i know bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.
Sometimes your words are thick as lead,
You swing them strong upside my head.
But what hasn't killed has made me strong,
So I'll take my scars and move along.
I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause i know bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.
Goodbye is the best way that I know,
To forgive and still be letting go.
I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause I know bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.
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